Dr. William Yarber, an 81-year-old professor of human sexuality, has spent over four decades studying and teaching about intimacy. According to him, the key to a satisfying sex life isn’t a mystery—it’s communication. Simply asking and sharing with your partner phrases like, “How do you like to be touched?” and “Here’s how I like to be touched,” can transform a relationship.
“The essence of sexuality is giving and receiving pleasurable touch,” says Yarber, whose widely used textbook, Human Sexuality: Diversity in Contemporary Society, has shaped the understanding of sex for students across the country. His advice is simple but powerful: clear, honest communication about desires and boundaries strengthens intimacy and pleasure.
While communication is the foundation, other experts offer practical ways to enhance your sex life. If you’re looking to reignite passion, here are some proven strategies.
1. Relax and Release the Pressure
Sex should be enjoyable, not a stressful performance. Anxiety and pressure to “get it right” can inhibit pleasure. Instead, focus on the experience, enjoy the moment, and let go of expectations.
2. Make Communication a Priority
Couples who openly discuss their desires, fantasies, and boundaries tend to have more fulfilling sex. If verbalizing feels awkward, consider writing down your thoughts for your partner or using playful questions to start the conversation.
3. Discover What You Like
While catering to your partner’s needs is essential, your pleasure matters too. Self-exploration can help you understand what feels good so you can confidently share that knowledge with your partner.
4. Foreplay: The More, The Better
Foreplay isn’t just a warm-up—it’s a crucial part of sexual satisfaction. Kissing, touching, and teasing build anticipation and deepen arousal, making the experience more intense for both partners.
5. Create Excitement Around Sex
Longing and anticipation can heighten desire. Tease your partner throughout the day, plan a romantic date, or even agree to delay sex for a special occasion. Building anticipation makes the experience more thrilling.
6. Experiment with Roleplay and Sex Games
Adding variety can keep things fresh. Roleplay allows couples to explore different fantasies, while sex games—such as stripping during a board game—can make intimacy playful and exciting.
7. Schedule Time for Intimacy
Busy schedules can push sex to the back burner. Treat it like an important appointment by setting aside uninterrupted time for intimacy. A planned date night can keep the passion alive.
8. Exercise for Better Stamina and Confidence
Physical fitness enhances stamina, improves circulation, and boosts confidence. Regular exercise, including cardio and strength training, can lead to better endurance and more enjoyable experiences.
9. Use Lubrication for Comfort
Natural lubrication varies due to hormonal changes, age, or stress. Water-based or silicone-based lubricants can enhance comfort and pleasure, making intimacy more enjoyable.
10. Embrace Affection Beyond the Bedroom
Not all intimate moments need to lead to sex. Cuddling, sensual massages, or simply holding hands can strengthen emotional bonds, which in turn enhance physical connection.
11. Reduce Stress and Practice Mindfulness
Stress can be a major mood killer. Engaging in relaxation techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or a warm bath before sex can help you be more present in the moment.
12. Kegel Exercises for Stronger Orgasms
Kegels strengthen pelvic muscles, leading to improved control and heightened pleasure. These exercises benefit both men and women, enhancing sensation and orgasm intensity.
13. Plan a Romantic Getaway
A change of scenery can reignite passion. A weekend trip, even to a nearby town, offers a chance to disconnect from daily stressors and focus solely on each other.
14. Explore Sensory Pleasure
Take your time exploring each other’s senses—sight, touch, taste, sound, and smell. Make eye contact, experiment with different textures, or introduce new scents into the bedroom.
15. Respect and Honor the Connection
Sex is more than a physical act; it’s an intimate connection. Respect your partner’s needs, be present, and embrace the experience fully. Gratitude and mindfulness can turn sex into a profound and deeply satisfying encounter.
The Bottom Line
Dr. Yarber’s wisdom, backed by decades of research, highlights that great sex isn’t about complicated techniques or unattainable ideals—it’s about understanding and being understood. By fostering open communication, embracing creativity, and prioritizing connection, couples can enjoy deeply satisfying and meaningful intimacy at any age. Whether you’re in your twenties or your eighties, the key to a fulfilling sex life remains the same: talk, touch, and treasure the experience together.
